RIP Jasper

Last Tuesday I took Jasper to be put down. Monday morning he woke up at 4:30am and started peeing on our bedroom floor. He couldn't help himself, he couldn't stop either. I felt so bad for him. Monday morning Jason asked if I had called to make an appointment yet and I said no, deep down I was just waiting for him to ask. I wanted Jason to be ok with the decision. I didn't want to feel like I was making it. We were going to take him to our regular veterinary but they couldn't get him in until Wednesday and I just knew he needed to be put out of his misery as soon as possible. So I called the vet just down the street from us, my parents had taken our dogs there growing up, and they had an opening Tuesday morning.

Unfortunately, I was the one to take him. I'm allowed to be up to an hour late in the morning or leave an hour early in the afternoon every once in awhile if I need to do something. This flexibility is convenient but in this case sad. Monday night I cooked a steak dinner and corn on the cob and gave Jasper his bowl full with a whole steak and corncob. Tuesday morning I woke up and got ready for work, then he jumped in the truck with me and we headed to the vet. I was ok until I had to talk to the vet about what he had been going through. I looked down at Jasper and second guessed my decision, as if he had miraculously started looking better to me, but I knew it was time, his breathing had become too difficult and his attempts at even going up the stairs had become painful for him. I gave the vet the leash and of course Jasper didn’t want to go. So I walked a little ways into the room with him, asked the vet if they would be ok, he said yes and I left. I checked out and then sat in the truck. About 15 minutes later the vet rolled a cart out with a closed bag. He gently put him in the truck for me and I drove home. Jason had dug a hole with the neighbor’s skidloader the night before so I just backed as close to it as I could. I think the hardest part of this whole process was taking that bag off the truck and putting it in the hole. I wanted to be gentle but I didn’t want to feel him inside. I tried to grab a part of the bag and felt something so I let go and started sobbing. I tried again, this time trying to just go for it all in one motion and I succeeded.

Now I just morn. I morn the loss of this amazing animal that although brought many trying times for me proved to be the most loyal pet anyone could ever ask for. I miss him running to the door when I open it. I miss him cleaning up the crumbs on the floor. I miss the protective feeling he gave me, just by being in the house.

I will truly Jasper.